Here is the truth… there is one, and only one, thing standing in the way of you achieving your goal, living your dream, getting what you want out of life. That one thing… YOU! That’s right! You are the reason you aren’t achieving your goals, and you need to get on board!
Goal Setting Attempts
We’ve all been there. Started out the new year with a list of resolutions and every good intention. We start out super strong but then we lose steam and slowly but surely go back to our old habits. Before we know it we are back on the couch with a bag of chips or outside with a cigarette in our hand.
It isn’t just our health and fitness goals this happens with. For example, consider that goal that you would get a better jobs or ditch that unhealthy relationship? Did you actually do it or did you just replace your job and relationship with a new one that is just as miserable or unhealthy as the first?
This is so consistent and pervasive that I’m sure everyone has experienced it. It is so common that there are countless books and speakers addressing this topic, and most of us have tried several strategies.
- Written down your goal
- Written a plan to achieve it
- Enlisted a buddy
- Created accountability
- Made it public
- Set a deadline
- Fake it ’til you make it
- Do it long enough to make it a habit
It seems you’ve done EVERYTHING that all of the experts recommend! So, why aren’t you accomplishing your goals?
What’s going wrong?
Here’s why: you have Destination Self Love!
What do I mean by that? Let’s put this in more common terms. Many people have heard the term “destination happiness,” which means you believe in the idea “I will be happy when.…” For example: you think when you get a new job you will be happy, when you get married you will be happy, when you make enough money you will be happy… etc. Why aren’t you happy now? Because you believe that you need these other things to make you happy- and guess what?!? When you accomplish these things you still won’t be happy because there will always be something else.
Destination Self Love works exactly the same way! You have convinced yourself that you will love your “new body,” your “new relationship,” your “new job.” Some people even relocate half way around the world hoping that they will find and love themselves when they get there! This mindset is the very thing preventing you from accomplishing your goals.
Do you believe you deserve it?
Here’s the truth… Changing your habits, your lifestyle, your relationships, or your job are all incredible goals to aspire to. They will all improve your quality of life. If you accomplish them you will feel proud and have made real progress. So ask yourself this… Do you deserve this? I didn’t say, “WILL you deserve this?” I said, “DO you?” The truth is that to accomplish your goals, you have to love yourself NOW!!! RIGHT NOW!!! RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!!!
You can’t wait until you get there to love yourself. If you do that, you’ll never get there. The reason you are thinking this to begin with is because you don’t feel worthy or good enough where you are right now; and if that’s how you feel about yourself, your goals will continue to be out of reach. In other words, If you don’t feel worthy or good enough, how will you believe you deserve to achieve your goals?
You Get What You Believe You Deserve
This is the thing everyone is missing. You limit yourself! A good example to think about is healthy lifestyle. If you think, “I hate my body! I would love my body if I lost 50 lbs!” Really any variation of this sucks… “If I had less cellulite, was more toned, looked like her (ugh… don’t get me started on this one),” and even, “If I was healthier THEN I would love my body.” You have made it impossible. You can’t accomplish any of those things from a place of punishment or body loathing. Nutrition, exercise, sleep hygiene, etc. all come from a place of self love and acceptance! You aren’t consistently nourishing a body you despise, and consequently you aren’t accomplishing your goals! That’s the truth!
The same is true for relationships, work, etc. Are you going to invest in personal growth or healing if you don’t believe you deserve it? Do you dump toxic relationships or dead end jobs as a form of punishments? You do it because you truly believe you deserve more!
How Can I Fix It?
The big question though is… HOW??? How do I love myself right where I am right now? And how do I get rid of all of the negative self talk? Finally, how do I get myself to believe I deserve more, especially when I’ve failed so many times at accomplishing my goals?
Start simple and start small. Think about who you are and how far you’ve come in life. Think about all that you have accomplished. Pat yourself on the back for the lessons you’ve learned along the way (those weren’t mistakes or failures, they were LESSONS)! If you struggle with this part then think about what you would tell a friend, because you should be your own best friend. If you were, what would you say about your amazing self?
Write it down…
I guarantee you that when you start reaching for your goals, you are going to forget all of this and slip back into old habits. So… WRITE IT DOWN! That’s right… get a notebook or a journal and write it down. You could even keep a running list on your phone so you can update it easily in the moment. Nothing is too small to put on this list. For example, if you drive your kids to soccer and restrain yourself from cutting off that jerk in traffic, go ahead and write ‘exibits self control’ on that list. Also, if you can walk around a mall or amusement park all day long, write ‘awesome walking endurance’ or ‘strong body.’ Furthermore, if you have experienced toxic or unhealthy relationships, write ‘survivor’ or better yet ‘thriver’.
Even if you dedicate just a few minutes a day to doing this, you will accumulate a lot of positive feedback. Then you’ll have, in writing, a stunning number of reasons to love yourself. You will have a compelling list of ways you are good enough and are worthy of having your dreams come true and your goals accomplished.
Self Love In Action
Now that you have all kinds of positive and encouraging words, it’s time to start applying it to your goal. This is the time to pick a goal (as in one) to focus on. This is the time to follow all of that goal setting advice you’ve seen in the past: write down your goal, break it up into smaller pieces, find a buddy or an accountability partner, etc. Now, once you have determined your goal and plan of action… STOP!
You need to make sure you continue in a way that centers on self love. Go back through your list and find relevant accomplishments and observations. Pick at least 3 that really tug at your heart and write them on your bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker or on a post it and stick it on there. If you live with others and you’re feeling shy, you could keep a little note in a journal or secret place near a mirror instead. At least 3 times a day look in the mirror and remind yourself of these awesome things about you.
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Goals Achieved… CHECK!
If you want to achieve your goals, it’s about a lot more than how you set them or how you follow through. Above all, it’s about loving yourself right where you are right now and truly believing that you deserve more. It’s knowing that you are worthy and you are good enough. So, keep writing your encouragements and accomplishments and keep affirming yourself by saying it in the mirror. And if you’re ready to make this the year you achieve your goals, guaranteed, be sure to check out my Goal Mastery Course.
The secret to accomplishing your goals: love yourself right where you are RIGHT NOW!
I triple dog dare you to leave a comment telling me one great thing about yourself! Make it public… shout it from the rooftop… tell me about your amazingnness and start your self-love journey!